Love Replaces Fear

Fear rises up in my chest and I scream for my youngest to “Get back!” She has already done so. Bless her heart! She is terrified of just about anything.

I look and don’t see anything. Typically her jumping back indicates a snake. I am terrified of snakes. We are in the front yard and I don’t have my gun. Even if I could see something, I couldn’t shoot it.

I yell for the older three dogs to come and we all head toward the back door. My youngest “spots” something and jumps again. I scream and two of the older dogs come running. I shine a light and see nothing out of the ordinary. My oldest dog, my hunter, finally arrives and inside we all go.

A tear rolls down my cheek. I once again am reminded that my vision is dimming. I have tried to ignore the signs. I love to pretend everything is okay or, at least, will be okay. But this will never be okay.

I shake off the pity party, take a deep breath, and get to work. There’s always so much to do. I stay busy. I keep the fear pushed deep inside. Until it surfaces when I desperately need to see something and I just can’t.

I chuckle to myself. I’ve always had trouble spotting snakes. I’ve joked that I would one day be bitten because I don’t see them. But the truth is that I’ve gotten pretty good with a gun. Or I was. I suppose enough bullets aimed in the right direction will kill anything.

I tell my youngest she will one day be my seeing eye dog. She’s way too hyper for that. Her favorite activity is chasing rabbits across the pasture. I have no idea what she would do if she actually caught one. The first rabbit squeal would send her running away in fear.

These four dogs are my companions. I am so grateful for them. As my once bright life dims, they gather close to my side. The fear subsides and love takes its place.

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